The gendered costs of masking : lived experiences of a woman with invisible disabilities

Invisible disabilities often remain unrecognised until they disrupt normative expectations, placing women in a paradox where inclusion depends on performing normativity. This autoethnography examines the psycho-emotional costs of identity management as a neurodivergent mother, caregiver, and scholar. Guided by intersectional feminist disability frameworks, I analyse personal journals and reflections to foreground the lived realities of invisible disability. The analysis reveals four themes: Masking and Conformity; When Masking Fails; The Gendered Burden of Resilience; and The Sunflower Lanyard as a Scarlet Letter. Findings show that social participation for neurodivergent women is predicated on suppressing disability traits to meet gendered expectations. Furthermore, the study explores how tools like the Sunflower lanyard can fail without institutional training, potentially functioning as a marker of othering rather than a tool for relational care. This research advances scholarship by highlighting the precarious nature of conditional inclusion.